From: (Standwick)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Date: 02 Feb 2002 08:05:02 GMT
Subject: Re: Standwick Mushmeyer's Questionable Past

Idiotschmuck wrote this:

>True.. Google sucks at webpages, especially his usenet archive.
>He sucks ballz.

Now, gentle reader, I must come out of the cyber-woodwork to hopefully solve some of these mysteries for you -- and perhaps create a few of my own. Don't worry, I'll refrain from the usual "candlestick in the conservatory" jokes.

First, I should address the Norwegian fellow from a few posts back. But how can I get to his post again? American Online is giving me fits and starts when it comes to looking up older posts, and I cannot for the life of me stand the hold music they play on their technical support hotline. Sorry, but if I wanted to listen to ABBA's Greatest Hits, I'd frequent our college universities or whatever country the ABBA-ites came from.

So to answer the first question: my Internet Web Site, I was assured, is HTML-compliant. Whatever that means. It was actually created by Tim, a newsroom intern for the Slimy Falls Times-Shopper a few years back when it was decided the newspaper was to have its own Internet Web Site. Sadly, when it came time to fill the site up with the all-important content, Assistant Managing Editor Wendy Hicks told me they had run out of Internet space on their own web site for my columns, but I could feel free to put up my own web site and run my cyber-columns there. I enlisted the help of Tim, who took my careful notes and went off to work his computer magic. Unfortunately Tim has since finished his internship, graduated (presumably) and gone off to seek his fortune and college education, but neglected to leave me with any concrete instructions for the updating and finishing of this, my cyber web "presence." I am waiting for a new intern to show up, which Wendy promises is going to happen "any day now." Of course, Wendy also keeps saying that about the restocking of the shared supply of Sweet & Low so I don't have to keep bringing in my own, so you'll pardon me if I don't rush out right now and announce the sweeping changes to the world.

As far as the graphical files on the website go, there is but one. It is a high-quality un-copyrighted graphical file in the form of a caricature of yours truly. I know it's not copyrighted since Roy Obens neglected to sign the damned thing, but whether or not you choose to view it is up to you. There's a button on this Web Page Browsing program I use to view images on the pages, and perhaps you can do that too if you so desire. I've had to set it that way after a stray email entered my inbox advising me to "check out a great new site" and when I did, the images I saw were perfectly horrible and presumably computerized straight from the pages of a pornographic magazine. I can only assume someone had meant to send the mail to a friend, and not me, as I don't even know anybody who'd admit to reading such material, much less computerizing it.

In the time it took for me to write this, I was accosted by an American Online user by the name of "CumMakeMeWet2131." She called herself "Kity" and wished for me to view her own personal website. I think she's Bill Hurklen's kid. I'm going to have to let Bill know his kids are staying up far later than they should, even on a Friday night.

Now for a few questions of my own. Who is this Google and why does he keep usenet in an archive? What exactly are these ballz that he is purported to suck? If he is archiving my copyrighted material from my book on the Bacon Sandwiches, he's going to have to stop sucking those ballz long enough to take that material down. And if he doesn't, well, I'm sure someone from the Times-Shopper newsroom can call him up and set him straight!

And that's the honest truth from Standwick Mushmeyer. Anyone else can bite me.