=======================================================================
This is Stupidity at its finest.
=======================================================================

From: gmoriart@selenium.helios.nd.edu (Keylime)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Re: BWOK BWOK!!!
Date: 17 Feb 1995 16:48:40 GMT
Organization: University of Notre Dame

Phil D. Ford (pford@cabell.vcu.edu) AV/said:
>As Keylime would say:  Yummy!

Here's a little ditty I wrote in honor of this occassion:

Yummy
by Keylime

Yummy, yummy,
Crispy, crumby,
Choc'late cookies baked by mummy
Down my throat into my tummy
Then I poop it out my bummy!



BRING ON THE SMILEY BRIGADE!!!!

:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)

:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)

:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)

:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)

:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)

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=======================================================================
If nothing else, the following shows that Ross Garmil wasn't the first 
one in alt.stupidity to steal someone's .sig. It was a take-off of one
of Spatch's .sigs.  I have no idea why the Teddy Bear is there.  As 
usual with this froup, the followups quickly drifted off-topic.  Which 
is easy, since the titles of Keylime's messages and their subject 
matter have always been nonsequiturs anyway.
=======================================================================

From: gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Nope
Date: 11 Apr 1995 21:12:54 GMT
Organization: University of Notre Dame

Hello once again, my friends. Today, I am coming to you from inside a
nuclear reactor. There is a cesium-137 isotope something-or-other beside
me. I'm not sure why, but I'm getting a really upset stomach. Perhaps
it was that rotten carcass I had for lunch. Also, my skin is beginning to
glow and I'm growing an extra appendage. Anyway, I don't want to bother
you with all my ills. So I'll just entertain you by juggling these gamma
rays.

Damn, that cesium isotope just decayed. Blew a hole right through my
stomach. Oh well, I guess I won't be needing that Pepto Bismo afterall.






tv's Keylime, RTFM's wacky next-door neighbour and lover of corn
"Yeah, but batman tastes good." - Willard Scott, "The Today Show"
"What is this 'go to hell'? Is that like one of them crazy East Coast trends
        like 'raining'?" - James T. Kirk  |       ObTeddyBear:  ___
                                                              {~._.~}
                                                               ( Y )
                                                              ()~*~()
                                                              (_)-(_)


----------------------------

From: nafziger.5@osu.edu (Jason Nafziger)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Re: Nope
Date: Tue, 11 Apr 1995 23:30:06 GMT
Organization: The International Kings of Funk

In article <3mf35c$96f@vassun.vassar.edu> nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu (Flapjack) writes:
>In article <3mercm$et5@news.nd.edu>
>gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes:

>> 
>> 
>> 
>> tv's Keylime, RTFM's wacky next-door neighbour and lover of corn
>> "Yeah, but batman tastes good." - Willard Scott, "The Today Show"
>                                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>Actually, Willard Scott was Johnny Cockran's sidekick on "The _Tonight_
>Show

No, Scots are a people (so, I miss Mike Myers, sue me). Tom Cochrane sang that 
song, "Highway to Hell."

Jason -- maybe I need to seek help.
--------------------------
http://www-bprc.mps.ohio-state.edu/cgi-bin/hpp/crappy.html 
"America Online is the America Online of online services" -- Mimi Kahn


----------------------------

From: nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu (Flapjack)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Re: Nope
Date: 11 Apr 1995 23:44:14 GMT
Organization: Chia Industries Incorporated

In article 
nafziger.5@osu.edu (Jason Nafziger) writes:

> In article <3mf35c$96f@vassun.vassar.edu> nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu (Flapjack) writes:
> >In article <3mercm$et5@news.nd.edu>
> >gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes:
> 
> >> 
> >> 
> >> 
> >> tv's Keylime, RTFM's wacky next-door neighbour and lover of corn
> >> "Yeah, but batman tastes good." - Willard Scott, "The Today Show"
> >                                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> >Actually, Willard Scott was Johnny Cockran's sidekick on "The _Tonight_
> >Show
> 
> No, Scots are a people (so, I miss Mike Myers, sue me). Tom Cochrane sang that 
> song, "Highway to Hell."

No, Mike Myers was a cast member of "Saturday Night Fever."  "Live is
Hell" is a comic strip by Matt LaBlanc on which "The Simpsons" is based
for which Mary Hartman who was also in "Saturday Night Fever" did a lot
of voices.

> 
> Jason -- maybe I need to seek help.

flapjack-who was wondering if Jason might like to form a support froup

_____________________________________________________________________
The Official Pet Newbie of alt.stupidity and inventor of "and bacon."
LOOK, FLAPJACK'S BACK AND HE'S GOT A REAL .SIG!!!

Here's that lame homepage you've been hearing about: 

http://www-bprc.mps.ohio-state.edu/cgi-bin/hpp?flapjack.html


----------------------------

From: nafziger.5@osu.edu (Jason Nafziger)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Re: Nope
Date: Wed, 12 Apr 1995 05:30:29 GMT
Organization: The International Kings of Funk

In article <3mf48e$99u@vassun.vassar.edu> nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu (Flapjack) writes:
>In article 
>nafziger.5@osu.edu (Jason Nafziger) writes:

>> In article <3mf35c$96f@vassun.vassar.edu> nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu (Flapjack) writes:
>> >In article <3mercm$et5@news.nd.edu>
>> >gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes:
>> 
>> >> 
>> >> 
>> >> 
>> >> tv's Keylime, RTFM's wacky next-door neighbour and lover of corn
>> >> "Yeah, but batman tastes good." - Willard Scott, "The Today Show"
>> >                                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>> >Actually, Willard Scott was Johnny Cockran's sidekick on "The _Tonight_
>> >Show
>> 
>> No, Scots are a people (so, I miss Mike Myers, sue me). Tom Cochrane sang that 
>> song, "Highway to Hell."

>No, Mike Myers was a cast member of "Saturday Night Fever."  "Live is
>Hell" is a comic strip by Matt LaBlanc on which "The Simpsons" is based
>for which Mary Hartman who was also in "Saturday Night Fever" did a lot
>of voices.

No, Michael Myers was the villian in "Nightmare on Elm Street 8: Ernest Goes 
to Hell." Mel Blanc did a lot of voices on the Nelson album. Mary Hart 
co-hosted Entertainment Weekly.

>> >> Jason -- maybe I need to seek help.

>flapjack-who was wondering if Jason might like to form a support froup

Jason -- who thinks we should form a froup and call it Spatula Tonight...
--------------------------
http://www-bprc.mps.ohio-state.edu/cgi-bin/hpp/crappy.html 
"America Online is the America Online of online services" -- Mimi Kahn


----------------------------

From: spatula@unicorn.dorm.umd.edu (Spatch)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Re: Nope
Date: 12 Apr 1995 13:39:53 -0400
Organization: The Law Offices of Feeney and Defazio

In article ,
Jason Nafziger  wrote:
>In article <3mf48e$99u@vassun.vassar.edu> nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu (Flapjack) writes:
>>In article 
>>nafziger.5@osu.edu (Jason Nafziger) writes:
>
>>> In article <3mf35c$96f@vassun.vassar.edu> nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu (Flapjack) writes:
>>> >                                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>> >Actually, Willard Scott was Johnny Cockran's sidekick on "The _Tonight_
>>> >Show
>>> 
>>> No, Scots are a people (so, I miss Mike Myers, sue me). Tom Cochrane sang that 
>>> song, "Highway to Hell."
>
>>No, Mike Myers was a cast member of "Saturday Night Fever."  "Live is
>>Hell" is a comic strip by Matt LaBlanc on which "The Simpsons" is based
>>for which Mary Hartman who was also in "Saturday Night Fever" did a lot
>>of voices.
>
>No, Michael Myers was the villian in "Nightmare on Elm Street 8: Ernest Goes 
>to Hell." Mel Blanc did a lot of voices on the Nelson album. Mary Hart 
>co-hosted Entertainment Weekly.

No, Joan Embrey co-starred with Mel Torme in "You Only Live Twice".  Charles 
Nelson Reilly co-hosted PM Magazine with J. Alfred E. Neuman.


- spatch, well, I'm learning... -


PS: I had to change my .sig because it mysteriously disappeared last night.

-- 
tv's Spatch, RATM's wacky next-door neighbour and father of alt.stupidity
"Yeah, but bacon tastes good."  - Morey Amsterdam, "I Married Joan"
"I use nn 'cause rn is too complicated." - John "Gwennis" Mayer
You're so vain, you probably think this .sig is about you.


----------------------------

From: nafziger.5@osu.edu (Jason Nafziger)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Re: Nope
Date: Wed, 12 Apr 1995 18:03:50 GMT
Organization: The International Kings of Funk

In article <112asfsfOasgasg@asggsasg> spatula@unicorn.dorm.umd.edu (Spatch) writes:
>In article ,
>Jason Nafziger  wrote:
>>In article <3mf48e$99u@vassun.vassar.edu> nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu (Flapjack) writes:
>>>In article 
>>>nafziger.5@osu.edu (Jason Nafziger) writes:
>>
>>>> In article <3mf35c$96f@vassun.vassar.edu> nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu (Flapjack) writes:
>>>> >                                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>>> >Actually, Willard Scott was Johnny Cockran's sidekick on "The _Tonight_
>>>> >Show
>>>> 
>>>> No, Scots are a people (so, I miss Mike Myers, sue me). Tom Cochrane sang that 
>>>> song, "Highway to Hell."
>>
>>>No, Mike Myers was a cast member of "Saturday Night Fever."  "Live is
>>>Hell" is a comic strip by Matt LaBlanc on which "The Simpsons" is based
>>>for which Mary Hartman who was also in "Saturday Night Fever" did a lot
>>>of voices.
>>
>>No, Michael Myers was the villian in "Nightmare on Elm Street 8: Ernest Goes 
>>to Hell." Mel Blanc did a lot of voices on the Nelson album. Mary Hart 
>>co-hosted Entertainment Weekly.

>No, Joan Embrey co-starred with Mel Torme in "You Only Live Twice".  Charles 
>Nelson Reilly co-hosted PM Magazine with J. Alfred E. Neuman.

No, Joan Collins co-piloted a plane with Marisa Tomei in the video for "Once 
Bitten, Twice Shy," by Michael J. Fox, who starred in "Charles in Charge" 
and also played Alfred the butler in "Superman."

>- spatch, well, I'm learning... -

Jason -- Hell, I'm burning...

>PS: I had to change my .sig because it mysteriously disappeared last night.

Are you calling me a thief?

-- 
tv's Spatch^H^H^H^H^H^HJason, RATM's wacky next-door neighbour and father of 
alt.stupidity"Yeah, but bacon tastes good."  - Kim Fields, "Charles In Charge"
"What is this 'go to bed'?  Is that like one of them crazy East Coast trends
        like 'raving'?" - Tjames Madison | ObStupidASCII: $-::>,*^@//




----------------------------
From: nafziger.5@osu.edu (Jason Nafziger)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Re: Nope
Date: Tue, 11 Apr 1995 21:59:49 GMT
Organization: The International Kings of Funk
Lines: 22
Distribution: world
Message-ID: 
References: <3mercm$et5@news.nd.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: slip6-8.acs.ohio-state.edu
X-Newsreader: Trumpet for Windows [Version 1.0 Rev B final beta #1]

In article <3mercm$et5@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes:
>Hello once again, my friends.

AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!! It's Dave Rhodes!!!!

>Today, I am coming to you from inside a
>nuclear reactor. There is a cesium-137 isotope something-or-other beside
>me. I'm not sure why, but I'm getting a really upset stomach. Perhaps
>it was that rotten carcass I had for lunch. Also, my skin is beginning to
>glow and I'm growing an extra appendage.

And you just had to come brag about, didn't you?
 
>Anyway, I don't want to bother you with all my ills. So I'll just entertain 
>you by juggling these gamma rays.

D00d!!! Play some Skynnyrd!!!!

Jason -- no, really, play some Skynnyrd...
--------------------------
http://www-bprc.mps.ohio-state.edu/cgi-bin/hpp/crappy.html 
"America Online is the America Online of online services" -- Mimi Kahn

============================================================================
CORN WARS: In the mists of time, eons before Spatch and papa legba fought 
for the position of the alt.stupidity god, Keylime battled the establishment
to replace bacon with corn.  The outcome was undecided, but nowadays corn
is considered an acceptable substitute for bacon by most people.
=============================================================================

From: gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Yup
Date: 11 Apr 1995 20:42:34 GMT
Organization: University of Notre Dame

Corn
by Keylime

Corn corn corn.
My golden goddess of cheer
How I'm down and so forlorn
When you are not near.

I live to feel your gentle touch
My day is not complete
Without the taste of your juicy flesh
Or of your passion sweet

Oooo corn. Yes my love?
Come whisper in my ear
All the ways you satisfy me
The ways I hold you dear

Some would have you sliced and diced
Dismembered in a can
But I prefer your natural beauty
You are the fruit (vegetable?) of the land

Some would have you creamed and served
With lima beans or peas
But I am devoted to you alone
You bring me to my knees

        - * -

Late at night I close my shades
So no one else can see
I wrap you round my body tight
And laugh with joyous glee

Slowly I undress you, let
Your husk fall to the floor
And nibble on your shapely kernels
Nibble to your core.

I long to lay upon the bed
Your body next to me
And sleep the night away enwrapped
In blissful ecstasy.

Corn thang, I think I love you.









Keylime. (I'm horny for you corny.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
e^(2*pi*i) = 1
"And corn." - Keylime


----------------------------

From: semy@msg.ti.com (The .44 Magnum Doughnut)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Re: Yup
Date: Tue, 11 Apr 1995 16:29:57
Organization: Texas Instruments

In article <3mepjq$e8a@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes:

>Corn thang, I think I love you.

>Keylime. (I'm horny for you corny.)

Lessee, there's beastiality, pedophilia, hetero, homo, lesbo, rambo,...

But, what's the word for people who have sex with vegetables?






                          "....the verbal hydra...."
                ".....the most abusive person on the 'Net."
                               semy@msg.ti.com


----------------------------

From: spatula@unicorn.dorm.umd.edu (Spatch)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: Re: Yup
Date: 12 Apr 1995 13:36:06 -0400
Organization: The Law Offices of Feeney and Defazio

In article ,
Steve  wrote:
>In article , semy@msg.ti.com (The .44
>Magnum Doughnut) wrote:
>: But, what's the word for people who have sex with vegetables?
>
>Doctors.

The High Plains Drifter waltzes into town and with one word sends it
to the floor.  

Or something like that.


-- 
tv's Spatch, RATM's wacky next-door neighbour and father of alt.stupidity
"Yeah, but bacon tastes good."  - Morey Amsterdam, "I Married Joan"
"I use nn 'cause rn is too complicated." - John "Gwennis" Mayer
You're so vain, you probably think this .sig is about you.